[Fwd: New Definitions]

From: Scott Bao (sbao@cisco.com)
Date: Tue Dec 18 2001 - 11:23:40 CST 



attached mail follows:
 
 New Definitions
 ----------------
 
  Cigarette :
  A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a 
  fool on the other.
 
  Divorce :
  Future tense of marriage.
 
  Lecture :
  An art of transferring information from the notes of the 
  Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing 
  through "the minds of either"
 
  Conference :
  The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
 
  Compromise :
  The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody 
  believes he got the biggest piece.
 
  Tears :
  The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is 
  defeated by feminine water power...
 
  Dictionary :
  A place where success comes before work.
 
  Conference Room :
  A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and 
  everybody disagrees later on.
 
  Classic :
  A book which people praise, but do not read.
 
  Smile :
  A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
 
  Office :
  A place where you can relax after your strenuous 
  home life.
 
  Yawn :
  The only time some married men ever get to open their 
  mouth.
 
  Etc. :
  A sign to make others believe that you know more than 
  you actually do.
 
  Committee :
  Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to 
  decide that nothing can be done together.
 
  Experience :
  The name men give to their mistakes.
 
  Atom Bomb :
  An invention to end all inventions. 
 
  Philosopher :
  A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of 
  when dead.
 
  Diplomat :
  A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you 
  actually look forward to the trip.
 
  Opportunist :
  A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls 
  into a river.
 
  Optimist :
  A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway 
  "See I am not injured yet."
 
  Miser :
  A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
 
  Father :
  A banker provided by nature.
 
  Criminal :
  A guy no different from the rest....except that he got 
  caught.
 
  Boss :
  Someone who is early when you are late and late when you 
  are early.
 
  Politician :
  One who shakes your hand before elections and your 
  Confidence after.
 
  Doctor :
  A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with 
  his bills.
 

  The Famous Joke of the Day One Liner!
 
  Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.












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